And when I'm not at home...

chances are high you might find me at the local Biergarten! :D

Note from a small country

I'm finally back in Germany!!! Got here Monday night after 1 great flight from Houston to London thanks to Xanax and 3 Simply Sleep pills and 1 missed connection from London to Munich. I was taken care of sooo well, they wouldn't let me carry my hand luggage alone and I had to wait for a guy with a shuttle (Brits called it buggy) who insisted I need to claim and recheck my luggage, despite me protesting. The Lufthansa gals were very nice, though. I was so worried because I had no way of contacting my parents to let them know that I had missed my flight and knew how worried they would be. Sure enough they did call the airport police and it took them several attempts until a cop was able to obtain the info that I was not on the original flight and had been booked on the next one. My mom said they thought I'd had health problems on the long flight and had to go to the hospital in London! Poor Mama!!! She now quietly admitted that cell phones do serve a good purpose... lol We all were thrilled when I came out of the gate in Munich. And it is just lovely to be home. I've already seen some friends, walked around, had gooooooooood food that I've been missing far too long and have been enjoying myself so much. I am still fighting jetlag a bit but I hope to be on German time in a matter of days. I might have been hopping around a bit too much though, I feel pretty drained and of course good ole neck swell up again. So yeaaah, I'll kick back and relax tomorrow, I know I need to. I sent out quite a few invitations, hopefully everyone gets what they need to do. Will post pictures soon!
Bis bald, bleibts brav! :)
Love, Julia

It has been a while...

since I last blogged. Partly because I have been very busy, and party because I have been told that some people just read my blog to pretty much get a kick out of my misery. :-( I really wonder what type of dipshit a person is who does that, but for now I will try to not let that get to me for I have far more important things to take care of. Kharma is a bitch, people. That is all I am saying.
Anyway, due to this, I will privatize my blog in the near future. If you are interested in reading, just give me your e-mail address and I probably will send you a password or an invitation to read, I still need to figure out what exactly I can do on here. (Mama don't worry, you are covered!)
I am doing well, will tell more once privatized. Take care!
Love, Julia

One week in

It has been a week now that I have been on the low iodine diet and without my thyroid hormone pills. I have put on over 4 pounds despite eating very little and only healthy stuff. Man that blows! I know where most of it is, too, my face and neck are what they call "puffy", to me that is full-blown swollen. I look like I was blown up. Thank goodness those are my side-effects so far, so no full-blown depression or stuff like that. That was something I was really afraid of, I hope I'll be spared. I am, however, rather irritable, especially around Jim (just like before my period...ladies, you know what I am talking about), I am cold all the time (IN TEXAS!!!) and pretty tired. But so far so good. It's 9 more days until I hopefully can eat normally again AND get some hormone pills, the ones I had or the new kind I don't care just give me something to feel normal again. Crazy what a little pill can do to your body! And what a small organ, you are not even aware of, is responsible for...That's it for the doctor's reports, I consider myself stable pretty much.

I'll have my second therapy session later today, I am looking forward to it. The therapist is friendly and lets me talk, it feels so good to get it all out. I had to write a list with things that may be able to distract me in case I worry to much about something and can't let go of it (my issue). Today we will also do some breathing exercises for my upcoming flight. We talked a lot about my fear of flying aswell and sure enough I am not even nervous about my flight in 2 weeks yet. I still don't like the thought of it, but I am not panicking. YAY! Hope it'll stay that way. After therapy I will actually meet up with a new German student, hopefully it can become a regular thing. She sounded pretty nice and I would love to teach again.

Last Thursday Jim and I went to see The Phantom of the Opera by Broadway across America. I had wanted to see it since I was little...and the show was great. I loved every minute of it. We were all dressed up and everything, and time just flew by. The music was beautiful and the stage was set up amazingly. Definitely the best musical I have seen so far!

We also looked at some more houses on Saturday. It is getting really tiring for us, we do not enjoy looking anymore. Hopefully we will find something soon. However, we decided to not talk about the chicken before it's hatched, we do not want to waste any excitement over something that just might not happen again. So, once we know something for sure we will talk about it.

And on Wednesday, Susi is finally coming here. I am so excited, I haven't seen her in so long and she is making this huge trip just to see us. I can't wait!!! Again, I'll have great company until further treatment, what more can I ask for? I wish it was Wednesday already!

Well world, that is all I can come up with for now. I'll talk to y'all one way or another.

Love, Julia

PS:Does anyone watch "Dance your ass off!"? Can't wait for tonight's new episode. Love this show!! :)

My randoms / 0815

*I am waiting for:
Our new bigger better TV to get delivered already. We ordered it from Overstock.com, it was quite a bargain and I can't wait to hook it up!
*I am hoping for:
sunshine, but preparing for rain. You never know what life throws at you, I am still trying to take it one day at a time.
*I am dreading:
1)the fact that I have to stop taking my hormone pills tomorrow as well as start a low iodine diet which means I won't be allowed to eat anything salty for 14 days. They put salt in EVERYTHING! I will basically live of fruits and vegetables, some meat, nuts and diet coke.
2)having to do some more house hunting. The only thing I know is that I do not want to stay in our shitty little rental property for another year, I want to move in our own house. But it's getting sooo tiring and boring, hopefully something, a nice house that is, will come up soon.
*I am oh so very looking forward to:
seeing my parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! only 22 days to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*I am afraid of:
too much. will change that soon due to an increased desire to enjoy life to the fullest and not let my fears hold me back. Go me!
*I am thankful for:
-my husband who not only loves me despite all the drama I have brought in his life, but also is my rock, cheerleader and best listener without complaining. Ever. IOU!
-being able to be treated at one of the best cancer hospitals in the world
-having my family and friends close no matter the distance
-having good health insurance
*I am convinced that:
everything happens for a reason
*I am:
a wife, daughter, sister, friend, cat-owner, dog-lover, neighbor, avid reader, cancer-patient, German expatriate, humorist, believer, chef in no particular order. I am coming to terms with my life, who I am and what I want. I will not be so foolish again to attempt planning because I sure have been shown that life just does not go as planned. But I have dreams in me and love and passion and all that is left to me is, again, hope for the best.
*I am not:
a crowd pleaser, political person, patient patient, mother, same person as I used to be. I just am what I am and most of the time I wouldn't want it any other way.

Check-up

I went for my last post-op check-up today. My scar is healing "beautifully", I guess different people do have different opinions of beautiful... The PCA - whatever exactly that is - said it looks like I had surgery one month ago and not just two weeks. The swelling is below the normal range - don't want to imagine what to them is normal!!! - there is no bruising, no infection, nothing. My calcium levels are in the low normal range so I need to keep up the calcium intake. The doctors were all happy with my progress, my range of motion is way better than last time too. But I still need to do physical therapy, I'll probably do that next week. There was one thing that concerned me a lot and them not at all and that was my high blood pressure. It probably comes from the hormone pills I am taking. We measured again at CVS on the way home and it was more than 20 points lower than at the hospital. Thank goodness! I really don't need anything else to worry me. I also saw the social worker and she told me about a cancer conference with a whole bunch of workshops that will take place here in September, I highly consider going there. I do neither know if I have to stop taking the hormones in order to prepare for the radioactive iodine yet nor when what will be done exactly, the surgeon doesn't know what the endocrinologist is planning so I need to figure that out. That's it, looking good still. I am glad Jim and I will have 3 days together now. Have a nice 4th of July everyone!
Love, Julia

Hehe

Tiiiny bit embarassed about yesterday's entry. I actually feel better again already. It looks like I have finally found a therapist, I am just waiting for her to call me back to set up an appointment next week. Of course I wish it was sooner but a few days more or less should not be too bad. Jim once again was very sweet and understanding last night, that poor man really has to take and suck up a lot with me nowadays. I sure hope I can make up for it someday. Anyway, I just wanted to say you do not need to worry about me, yesterday I had a bad day but today things are not looking quite as bad anymore so I will keep on fighting. Who am I kidding, I think everyone knows HOW pissed off I am about my situation. BUT: I will make it through. I always have been a fighter and now I am probably more determined than ever to get through this. It's hard, but I wanna concentrate on the upsides not on the downsides. Remind me of that when I melt down again! ;)
Here is something I've been meaning to post for a long time, it is something I think about about 34 times a day, I love it and it helps me a lot:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Love, Julia