Letter to my grandfather

Dear Opa,

I wish I could still hold your big hands like I used to when I was a little girl. When just your hand reaching out for mine meant that there was no problem in the world I would have to face alone. There are so many things I wish I could have told you when you were still only a short walk or a 2-hour-train-ride away. I miss your deadpan humor and your big bear hugs. I miss your old-man-smell and the comfort and warmth I felt when you opened up the door for me, no matter when or why I came to see you.
My dearest childhood memories incorporate spending my days with you in the backyard of your house, rummaging around in the yard and me, playing and helping.
I remember our errands downtown in the morning when you had that old beat up leather bag you had used to carry home the eggs when you were young. When we were there early enough for only very few people to be around, you would act all silly with me and do the funniest hop, kicking your feet sideways and sometimes even sing.
You taught me that it is important to show other people respect and to think before I talk (I am still working on that one!) and that it doesn't matter what other people think of me.
I will never forget our trip to Austria in your brandnew car. I got travelsick and your comment, before pulling over quickly, was "Don't you throw up in my new car!" And when we stayed with you while my mom and Oma were gone, you reheated food Oma had prepared. You served us dry and sticky spaghetti with sauce that burnt when reheating. To this day I love dry spaghetti with that burnt sauce! When I fell and whimpered, I heard a harsh "Do you want to get your leg amputated???" (no!) "then shut up!!!" when you put on the disinfecting spray on my wound. And when noone was looking, you gave me candy or some money and were sure to urge me not to tell anyone. Understanding your ways even more now than back then, I know how much you loved us.
I remember your inability of saying the words "I love you" but showing it in your own way even more. I so truly miss you and to this day still don't want to believe that you are not around anymore. I take pride in being your youngest grandchild, being part of your family. In the past few years of your life I said some things that were young and foolish because so was I. I wish we could now share a glass of wine together and laugh at those times. Even though there are many things that only now I start to understand, I wish you were still here.
You probably wouldn't have approved of me marrying an American man and moving here but I would've known that deep down all that mattered to you would've been that I was happy. And you'd probably worry sick about me these days and not be able to express that either... There are so many things I experience that I wish I could share with you. You were the finest old man I ever knew. Know that I love and miss you dearly to this day.
Deine Julia