And when I'm not at home...

chances are high you might find me at the local Biergarten! :D

Note from a small country

I'm finally back in Germany!!! Got here Monday night after 1 great flight from Houston to London thanks to Xanax and 3 Simply Sleep pills and 1 missed connection from London to Munich. I was taken care of sooo well, they wouldn't let me carry my hand luggage alone and I had to wait for a guy with a shuttle (Brits called it buggy) who insisted I need to claim and recheck my luggage, despite me protesting. The Lufthansa gals were very nice, though. I was so worried because I had no way of contacting my parents to let them know that I had missed my flight and knew how worried they would be. Sure enough they did call the airport police and it took them several attempts until a cop was able to obtain the info that I was not on the original flight and had been booked on the next one. My mom said they thought I'd had health problems on the long flight and had to go to the hospital in London! Poor Mama!!! She now quietly admitted that cell phones do serve a good purpose... lol We all were thrilled when I came out of the gate in Munich. And it is just lovely to be home. I've already seen some friends, walked around, had gooooooooood food that I've been missing far too long and have been enjoying myself so much. I am still fighting jetlag a bit but I hope to be on German time in a matter of days. I might have been hopping around a bit too much though, I feel pretty drained and of course good ole neck swell up again. So yeaaah, I'll kick back and relax tomorrow, I know I need to. I sent out quite a few invitations, hopefully everyone gets what they need to do. Will post pictures soon!
Bis bald, bleibts brav! :)
Love, Julia

It has been a while...

since I last blogged. Partly because I have been very busy, and party because I have been told that some people just read my blog to pretty much get a kick out of my misery. :-( I really wonder what type of dipshit a person is who does that, but for now I will try to not let that get to me for I have far more important things to take care of. Kharma is a bitch, people. That is all I am saying.
Anyway, due to this, I will privatize my blog in the near future. If you are interested in reading, just give me your e-mail address and I probably will send you a password or an invitation to read, I still need to figure out what exactly I can do on here. (Mama don't worry, you are covered!)
I am doing well, will tell more once privatized. Take care!
Love, Julia

One week in

It has been a week now that I have been on the low iodine diet and without my thyroid hormone pills. I have put on over 4 pounds despite eating very little and only healthy stuff. Man that blows! I know where most of it is, too, my face and neck are what they call "puffy", to me that is full-blown swollen. I look like I was blown up. Thank goodness those are my side-effects so far, so no full-blown depression or stuff like that. That was something I was really afraid of, I hope I'll be spared. I am, however, rather irritable, especially around Jim (just like before my period...ladies, you know what I am talking about), I am cold all the time (IN TEXAS!!!) and pretty tired. But so far so good. It's 9 more days until I hopefully can eat normally again AND get some hormone pills, the ones I had or the new kind I don't care just give me something to feel normal again. Crazy what a little pill can do to your body! And what a small organ, you are not even aware of, is responsible for...That's it for the doctor's reports, I consider myself stable pretty much.

I'll have my second therapy session later today, I am looking forward to it. The therapist is friendly and lets me talk, it feels so good to get it all out. I had to write a list with things that may be able to distract me in case I worry to much about something and can't let go of it (my issue). Today we will also do some breathing exercises for my upcoming flight. We talked a lot about my fear of flying aswell and sure enough I am not even nervous about my flight in 2 weeks yet. I still don't like the thought of it, but I am not panicking. YAY! Hope it'll stay that way. After therapy I will actually meet up with a new German student, hopefully it can become a regular thing. She sounded pretty nice and I would love to teach again.

Last Thursday Jim and I went to see The Phantom of the Opera by Broadway across America. I had wanted to see it since I was little...and the show was great. I loved every minute of it. We were all dressed up and everything, and time just flew by. The music was beautiful and the stage was set up amazingly. Definitely the best musical I have seen so far!

We also looked at some more houses on Saturday. It is getting really tiring for us, we do not enjoy looking anymore. Hopefully we will find something soon. However, we decided to not talk about the chicken before it's hatched, we do not want to waste any excitement over something that just might not happen again. So, once we know something for sure we will talk about it.

And on Wednesday, Susi is finally coming here. I am so excited, I haven't seen her in so long and she is making this huge trip just to see us. I can't wait!!! Again, I'll have great company until further treatment, what more can I ask for? I wish it was Wednesday already!

Well world, that is all I can come up with for now. I'll talk to y'all one way or another.

Love, Julia

PS:Does anyone watch "Dance your ass off!"? Can't wait for tonight's new episode. Love this show!! :)

My randoms / 0815

*I am waiting for:
Our new bigger better TV to get delivered already. We ordered it from Overstock.com, it was quite a bargain and I can't wait to hook it up!
*I am hoping for:
sunshine, but preparing for rain. You never know what life throws at you, I am still trying to take it one day at a time.
*I am dreading:
1)the fact that I have to stop taking my hormone pills tomorrow as well as start a low iodine diet which means I won't be allowed to eat anything salty for 14 days. They put salt in EVERYTHING! I will basically live of fruits and vegetables, some meat, nuts and diet coke.
2)having to do some more house hunting. The only thing I know is that I do not want to stay in our shitty little rental property for another year, I want to move in our own house. But it's getting sooo tiring and boring, hopefully something, a nice house that is, will come up soon.
*I am oh so very looking forward to:
seeing my parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! only 22 days to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*I am afraid of:
too much. will change that soon due to an increased desire to enjoy life to the fullest and not let my fears hold me back. Go me!
*I am thankful for:
-my husband who not only loves me despite all the drama I have brought in his life, but also is my rock, cheerleader and best listener without complaining. Ever. IOU!
-being able to be treated at one of the best cancer hospitals in the world
-having my family and friends close no matter the distance
-having good health insurance
*I am convinced that:
everything happens for a reason
*I am:
a wife, daughter, sister, friend, cat-owner, dog-lover, neighbor, avid reader, cancer-patient, German expatriate, humorist, believer, chef in no particular order. I am coming to terms with my life, who I am and what I want. I will not be so foolish again to attempt planning because I sure have been shown that life just does not go as planned. But I have dreams in me and love and passion and all that is left to me is, again, hope for the best.
*I am not:
a crowd pleaser, political person, patient patient, mother, same person as I used to be. I just am what I am and most of the time I wouldn't want it any other way.

Check-up

I went for my last post-op check-up today. My scar is healing "beautifully", I guess different people do have different opinions of beautiful... The PCA - whatever exactly that is - said it looks like I had surgery one month ago and not just two weeks. The swelling is below the normal range - don't want to imagine what to them is normal!!! - there is no bruising, no infection, nothing. My calcium levels are in the low normal range so I need to keep up the calcium intake. The doctors were all happy with my progress, my range of motion is way better than last time too. But I still need to do physical therapy, I'll probably do that next week. There was one thing that concerned me a lot and them not at all and that was my high blood pressure. It probably comes from the hormone pills I am taking. We measured again at CVS on the way home and it was more than 20 points lower than at the hospital. Thank goodness! I really don't need anything else to worry me. I also saw the social worker and she told me about a cancer conference with a whole bunch of workshops that will take place here in September, I highly consider going there. I do neither know if I have to stop taking the hormones in order to prepare for the radioactive iodine yet nor when what will be done exactly, the surgeon doesn't know what the endocrinologist is planning so I need to figure that out. That's it, looking good still. I am glad Jim and I will have 3 days together now. Have a nice 4th of July everyone!
Love, Julia

Hehe

Tiiiny bit embarassed about yesterday's entry. I actually feel better again already. It looks like I have finally found a therapist, I am just waiting for her to call me back to set up an appointment next week. Of course I wish it was sooner but a few days more or less should not be too bad. Jim once again was very sweet and understanding last night, that poor man really has to take and suck up a lot with me nowadays. I sure hope I can make up for it someday. Anyway, I just wanted to say you do not need to worry about me, yesterday I had a bad day but today things are not looking quite as bad anymore so I will keep on fighting. Who am I kidding, I think everyone knows HOW pissed off I am about my situation. BUT: I will make it through. I always have been a fighter and now I am probably more determined than ever to get through this. It's hard, but I wanna concentrate on the upsides not on the downsides. Remind me of that when I melt down again! ;)
Here is something I've been meaning to post for a long time, it is something I think about about 34 times a day, I love it and it helps me a lot:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Love, Julia

I'm telling y'all...

This whole cancer thing is one son of a gun! It is so much more than just removing malignant cells from your body, healing, and going back to normal. While my body seems to heal rather well (set apart the swelling. Still nervous / annoyed / frustrated about that!!!), my mind is very unpredictable. I try hard to go through my emotions rather than surpressing them, feeling what is going on to go through the process of...well whatever it is. Coping I guess. But it is taking a toll on me. I have felt pretty blue since Sunday night or so. Since my progress has slowed down so much, my positive outlook on my way back to health as well as life in general, has too. I still try taking every day at a time, not thinking too far ahead but then my impatience takes over, I just wanna scream and throw a fit and yell 'WHAT THE FUCK! I AM TIRED OF THIS SHIT! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!' And I wheep and cry and moan and throw myself a pity party and pretty much everything on the downside of this emotional rollercoaster. It sucks so much to have cancer, and frankly, no, if you have never had it you have no idea whatsoever what it is like. I am soooooooo tired of it. I want the wound to scar nicely, my neck to feel normal, my body to feel and be healthy and the same for my troubled mind. I am in the process of finding myself a therapist because I feel I need to see someone who I can load everything upon without having to sugarcoat anything, without considering anyone's feelings. I hope I will be able to see someone who is good at whatever needs to be done so I can feel more positive and hopeful again. I am not writing this to entertain or even inform anyone, it is more like a real diary entry to myself because I still feel it helps to write it down. I will not put on a brave and happy face if that is not how I feel. Right now I am frustrated, annoyed, scared, impatient and bored, that is the truth. I hope I will feel better again very soon. And, just for the record, I do not think it is so much a thyroid hormone level induced thing, I think it is real frustration. Because I can't do what I want to do and it is oh so very boring to be home alone all day. I don't want to have cancer, I don't want to deal with all this, I just do not. According to that grief thing for thyroid cancer I read, this is probably stage 4 out of 7 leading to acceptance and a normal life again. The stage is: anger/depression. Great, just the one more thing on my list of things I really need. NOT! But hey, Michael Jackson died. Now that's a real problem for the "fans" out there. I probably just need to get a grip!? *rollingeyeslaughinghysterically
Greetings from UnderTheWeather,
Julia

Update

Not in the best of moods today, so I will keep this short. The incision is healing fine, at least that's the last thing my doctor said. However, I think I noticed some additional swelling ABOVE the incision right under my chin this morning. I'll have Jim look at it when he gets home and then decide if I'll go see a doctor about it. If it is an infection, I will throw up in anger. I am pretty tired of my "impairment" right now. I am almost back to normal, I walk normally, I can turn my head almost all the way, I can cook and clean and go shopping for a couple of hours which is a huge improvement. It's just that constant pulling and tightness in my neck that is getting on my nerves, I'm starting to think I will never feel normal again...
Here is a picture of my neck, taken 2 days ago. The incision line is about 16 cm long:

Letter to my grandfather

Dear Opa,

I wish I could still hold your big hands like I used to when I was a little girl. When just your hand reaching out for mine meant that there was no problem in the world I would have to face alone. There are so many things I wish I could have told you when you were still only a short walk or a 2-hour-train-ride away. I miss your deadpan humor and your big bear hugs. I miss your old-man-smell and the comfort and warmth I felt when you opened up the door for me, no matter when or why I came to see you.
My dearest childhood memories incorporate spending my days with you in the backyard of your house, rummaging around in the yard and me, playing and helping.
I remember our errands downtown in the morning when you had that old beat up leather bag you had used to carry home the eggs when you were young. When we were there early enough for only very few people to be around, you would act all silly with me and do the funniest hop, kicking your feet sideways and sometimes even sing.
You taught me that it is important to show other people respect and to think before I talk (I am still working on that one!) and that it doesn't matter what other people think of me.
I will never forget our trip to Austria in your brandnew car. I got travelsick and your comment, before pulling over quickly, was "Don't you throw up in my new car!" And when we stayed with you while my mom and Oma were gone, you reheated food Oma had prepared. You served us dry and sticky spaghetti with sauce that burnt when reheating. To this day I love dry spaghetti with that burnt sauce! When I fell and whimpered, I heard a harsh "Do you want to get your leg amputated???" (no!) "then shut up!!!" when you put on the disinfecting spray on my wound. And when noone was looking, you gave me candy or some money and were sure to urge me not to tell anyone. Understanding your ways even more now than back then, I know how much you loved us.
I remember your inability of saying the words "I love you" but showing it in your own way even more. I so truly miss you and to this day still don't want to believe that you are not around anymore. I take pride in being your youngest grandchild, being part of your family. In the past few years of your life I said some things that were young and foolish because so was I. I wish we could now share a glass of wine together and laugh at those times. Even though there are many things that only now I start to understand, I wish you were still here.
You probably wouldn't have approved of me marrying an American man and moving here but I would've known that deep down all that mattered to you would've been that I was happy. And you'd probably worry sick about me these days and not be able to express that either... There are so many things I experience that I wish I could share with you. You were the finest old man I ever knew. Know that I love and miss you dearly to this day.
Deine Julia

Guess who's back!!!

I've been at home for two days now and I'm lovin' it. Jim is typing this for me since I type at grandma speed (which is my current speed for just about anything), so if you find any typos, don't blame me. ;)

The surgery on Monday went well. It took about four hours. When they rolled me into the surgery room, I had just changed my mind and got ready to hop off the table. When the anesthesiologist asked me how I was doing, I creaked out a "I'm so scared" and boom, out I was for the count. The next thing I remember was waking up and seeing Jim's face over my head.

I remember the days in the hospital as a blur. I guess they drugged me up pretty good. Right after the surgery, I slept a lot and the next day, I was on Morphine feeling just fine. My calcium levels were pretty low so they hooked me up on the IV--I had a bunch of tubes on me, I guess it was a pitiful sight. I started moving around and going for little walks around my unit on Wednesday. My sister flew in on Thursday, so she was there to witness me passing out in the bathroom because I did not tolerate the Magnesium IV very well. Sure enough, the first thing I said after regaining consciousness was, "I wanna Snickers Ice cream bar... or a leberkaessemmel." :D Ever since I have been off those stupid Magnesium infusions, I feel strength and energy slowly coming back to me; however, I'm still pretty stiff, walking around like a zombie in Michael Jackson's Thriller video. But everyday I'm getting better. The pain is less now that the drains are out, and I just need to get my head around everything that has happened. The doctor's say I'm healing very well and Jim is taking very good care of me, so I should be back to normal and as good as new in no-time. Thank you everyone for all of the flowers, cards, e-mails and calls. Feeling so loved helps me a great deal in getting better.

I hope I will hear a lot from y'all in the next few days. With Jim at work, I will need your entertainment. I hope all is well. Love, Julia.

Off to the hospital

Short one: I need to be at the hospital at 5.30 am tomorrow. We are 7 hours behind German time. About 1-2 hours later the surgery will start. I am scared and just hope and pray I will be fine. I finally want to get this over with. I'll have Jim write an update on here as soon as he gets home. Take care and wish me luck.
Love, Julia

Less waiting time wohoo!

Linda and I were sitting outside this morning, enjoying a nice chat after a killer Jillian Michaels workout. The phone rang and shockingly enough it was the MD Anderson scheduling lady. She informed me that they had a cancellation for Monday, June 15 and wanted to know if I would want to bump up my surgery date to June 15. After asking Linda what to do I said GO! Let's change the date. And now I'm booked for Monday already. I am pretty thrilled about this because it simply means 2 days less of waiting. We will be pretty busy at the weekend so I'm hoping time will go by so fast that I won't have time to get supernervous beforehand. And if I do, there's always my "new" best buddy XANAX. Jim was able to take off the entire week and my sister is coming on Thursday, so I should be well taken care off even after the hospital.
My "old" best buddy Linda is about to leave me again. I really wish she could stay longer, we're having so much fun every day and I am getting sad already just thinking about her leaving on Saturday.
I got my new laptop 2 days ago and I'm seriously in love with it. And, my latest purchase (ever heard of retail-therapy? Working wonders for me, that one!!!!!) came in the mail today, gotta show you this one:


I love it! It expresses my feelings so well, and as most of you know, I wear my heart (or should I say pottymouth?) on my sleeve! ;o)
Take good care my beloved friends and family!
Love, Julia

Happy anniversary!

Jim,
thank you for two wonderful years of marriage. I never thought I would meet and marry someone as kind, caring and understanding as you. I am madly in love with you and I always will be. Here is to many, many more years full of love and happiness for us. I would do it all over again. I love you Hase, happy anniversary!!!



Today it's been 2 years that we have been married. And it feels so much longer - but in a good way. We have been through so many ups and downs, I couldn't ask for a better man. Granted he still does and probably always will drive me nuts every once in a while, I've learned to appreciate even that part of our so unique relationship.

Last night I painted messages on Jim's car with red car chalk to surprise him when he'd go to work. Apparently all his colleagues said happy anniversary to him, too! lol And I bought a T-shirt that reads "My husband rocks!" and wore it today. I think he liked it. I thought it was pretty neat. Until he whipped out those stunning diamond ear studs. That man! Full of surprises! I felt a little bad with my lousy car painting and the shirt but he said he loved it. :)
Linda pretty much forced us to go out to eat alone to celebrate so we went to PF Chang's tonight. It was deliiicious! Those chicken lettuce wraps are awesome, I could eat just those there. It's been a lovely first anniversary together and it showed me once again how WELL worth it was to leave Germany to live here with him.

We have been pretty busy doing things with Linda. She had us go to Joel Osteen's church again on Sunday. Apparently, after going there 3 times they consider you a member there, so we are members there now. Not sure what to think of that. I love what he says and how he conveys it. The rest is a little too much. But it was definitely fun to go. Sunday night we met Ron and Jonell at Olive Garden. As always it was really nice to see them. We also went to the zoo, went for long walks in the park (in the TX heat! you can tell how much I love Linda!!!), went downtown and so much more. Every day something new. I just wish time wouldn't go by so fast.

Not only was it our anniversary today, I also received an awesome surprise gift from the world's best mom! MY MAMA!!! Well I have only her, but you know... ;o) She sent me shoes that I told her about, scarves for after the surgery so I don't have to show the wound all the time and 2 Michel aus Lönneberga DVDs. One of my favorite shows when I was little. Thank you so much Mama for this awesome surprise! You rock!!!

Here are some pictures from the past few days.

Ready to go to Lakewood Church:




Mikey's cuddle attack:


Too cool! Taking a picture like my students do:


At the Houston Zoo:


Looking up the Chase Tower:


Pimping the anniversary ride in the middle of the night:


The husband with my artwork:



Me, all happy about my new diamond ear studs. *BLING*

1 month in

Exactly one month ago I got diagnosed with cancer. I can't believe it's only been one month. It feels like at least 6 months that I've been dealing with this. All the doctor visits, appointments, phone conversations, cards in the mail, talks on the phone, internet searches on anything related and so on and so on. This journey definitely is a wild one. But I still feel very confident for things to come. I have read so much about it, there is not much new stuff I find these days. Yesterday I read the book "The purple butterfly" by a thyroid cancer survivor. It's her diary of that time. I ordered some more books about the topic. Now I am reading "Crazy, sexy cancer tips". It's like I am an involuntary member of a secret society, trying to learn all the rules to go by.
Not even 2 weeks until surgery. I am currently looking for some things for after the surgery, such as a nice pill dispenser. Hopefully I can find one online. I also need pillows/cushions, maybe a step to get in our huge bed and some more stuff. Still waiting on the laptop. Hopefully it'll come in time. The current thought in my head is the sound of cutting meat with scissors. I wonder if that's what it will sound like when they pop my neck open like the top of some push-open toothpaste? Nauseating thought, I know.

On a non-cancer note, I am so very happy Linda is here. We enjoy each other so much. There should be a law against separating best friends for that long a time! Yesterday we went for a long walk in the park (and in the Texas heat!). It was really lovely, made me realize that I do wish I had some friends like her here. The husband's company is priceless and yet, I hope I will make some friends soon. Maybe a fellow cancer patient? Oh no, down the cancer road again...

We had dinner at Cici's last night. Do they have those all over the U.S.? Not sure. It was good and we tried to hook Linda up with one of the pizza boys, apparently he felt stalked by us and took off before "we" could ask him out. :D

Today we are planning on going to the Galleria mall. Also, but I still need to ask Linda about that, I'd like her to return my old boss's stuff to her. Hopefully she'll do that. And tonight I'll be teaching my last German class for the Bonzenkinder. I can't believe it's been a year and I must admit I am a little sad. I got attached to them over time. I'm sure their sadness won't show much. ;o)
Love, Julia

Every day is a gift, not a given right!

I have been rather busy now that Linda is here. Well at least so busy that I couldn't nap as much as I felt like. ;o) I will change that tomorrow. My endocrinologist professor said that it is very common that people with my thyroid hormone levels sleep a lot longer than normal every day, up to 16 hours a day. Yeah, it sounds like a lot. And if I could how I'd want, I'd sleep more than that!
The appointments at MD Anderson on Monday went fine. No bad new findings, wohoo! Just a little nuissance: They planned on giving me the radioactive pill on July 21. Ummm I sort of want to catch a flight on the 26th and I told them that. I hope something can be changed, because I really want everything done before Germany. We're still in the process of figuring everything out. I'm sure we'll find a good solution.
Having Linda here is a real joy. It is so nice to have someone here to talk to and hang out with and to do stuff with. I wish it wouldn't have to end. On the other end, I cannot wait for surgery day. In 2 weeks I'll probably be already at the hospital at this time. WUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAA!! The closer it gets, the more nervous I get. But I made it pretty much clear to the anestheseologist that I will haunt him forever if he kills me... ;o)
On an entirely different note, we purchased a new laptop for me. Maybe I'll even get it before the surgery, but if not I definitely will for the flight to Germany. Check out the product demo, I think it's super neat:

http://www.shopping.hp.com/webapp/shopping/store_access.do?template_type=series_detail&category=notebooks&series_name=tx2z_series&aoid=33487&kw=hp+touchscreen+laptop&tafcjnef=fy09&ppc=CCp25703097

Can't wait for it to arrive! I'm still waiting on all my cancer literature from Amazon, they sure are taking their sweet time with that shipment. Odd!

I think Linda is still asleep, so I will be online a bit. And then I'll talk to my Mama, a highlight every week. I'll post pictures of me and Oma Linda soon! :D

Happy late birthday Svenja! I did not forget!!! I hope you had a great birthday!
Love, Julia

Blog quickie

I haven't really had much news to talk about. At least nothing I wanted to share publicly.
Yesterday, my best friend Linda finally came here all the way from Germany. I thought I'd never be able to find her in that overly busy international arrivals hall at the airport. But, luckily enough, after one and a half hours she came out. I am very happy she's here. She's such a joy to be around, our timing could not have been better. When we booked her flight, we didn't have a clue yet about what crazy times it'll be these days. Jim and I tried keeping her up as long as possible and she did a great job staying awake.
Being what I call a hardcore Christian, she's hauling us back to Joel Osteen today. I bet my in-laws will be laughing at this one because we were not too thrilled about everything going on in his mass. He's the best preacher I've ever seen, but all the dancing and clapping and hugging...so not our thing. But I'm looking forward to his sermon, he might just say something that really helps me in my situation right now.
On the cancer stuff... I have more appointments tomorrow. I'll see my endocrinologist (phew! finally got that word down!) for the first time, do more blood works, have the anesthesia assessment and meet the anestheseologist. Of course, being a good patient, I have a list of questions ready for them aswell. Linda will come to MD Anderson with me so the wait won't be so boring this time.
That's about it, really. I hope you all are doing well, I miss hearing from some of you... Enjoy what's left of the weekend!
Love, Julia

Hooray for thyroid cancer!

Yesterday, I finally had the appointment with my surgeon, Dr. Grubbs. Jim was able to come with me so the wait was not too boring. We talked to several nurses etc. and I must say everyone working at MD Anderson is very friendly and skilled and positive. Since very sick people is everyday business in cancer city, it feels rather normal to talk about having cancer. Everyone there has been through what I am going through. Everyone knows what I'm talking about. To me, this facilitates going there a lot.
Anyway, we talked to Dr. Grubbs and asked her our 40+ questions about my prognosis, the surgery and long-term treatment. Turns out the fact that the cancer cells seem to have spread to at least 2 lymph nodes on my righthand side does not worsen my prognosis. The MD Anderson pathology has confirmed the previous diagnosis from the other hospital. Which is something I am happy about, since papillary thyroid cancer is the best-curable kind of thyroid cancer. The tumors usually grow slowly which means I've probably had that thing in me for years without having a clue!

Here is the long-promised picture of me with my head all the way back. The bump on the left of the center of my neck is Mr. Cancer himself. Can you see it?

My surgery has been scheduled for June 17. It will take approximately 5 hours if they have to do the lymph node dissection, too, which is more than likely going to be the case. I will have a little drain tube in the neck for a few days (just the mere thought of that makes me throw up in my mouth. I cannot take seeing cuts on my body, not to mention TUBES! YUCK!!!) and I'll have to stay in the hospital for about 3 days. Those times periods are all just estimates, of course, it all depends on how I'll be healing. Both my sister and Jim's sister said they would try to come here. I hope at least one of them will be able to come here, we need all the support we can get.
Also, I kept bugging that poor doctor about my flight to Germany on July 26. According to her it is 95% certain that I will be able to go home. I AM SO THRILLED ABOUT THIS! I couldn't think of a better rehab place than home.
About 4 weeks after the surgery, when the wound is fully closed and I'll be up and running again, I'll have to take a radioactive iodine pill. The iodine naturally goes to the thyroid tissue, since that is where it is needed in the body to produce hormones. As a matter of fact, the radioactive iodine is given to rid the body of any type of thyroid tissue left. This includes malignant tissue wherever a.k.a. spread. I will have to be isolated from anyone normal, i.e. anyone with a thyroid, for 24-48 hours. After that I should be fine and hopefully cancer-free. Of course there will be check-ups every 6 months but I have a good chance to be cured for a looong time once I'm done with this.

Picking up that lucky-thought again... I am so happy I do not have to get chemo therapy done. I am so thankful for getting the best treatment available for this disease. And of all the cancers out there, I think mine is by far the best. So, hooray for thyroid cancer! :)

Tomorrow we are going to Dallas. Haven't been up there in a while and the occasion is a real bright spot: we will be able to see my dear friends Mona and Chris. I'm so excited, it's been almost a year since I've last seen them. And there is a German bakery in Dallas AND a doner place. I certainly will make use of the cancer-induced no-weight-gain-period this weekend! :)

Also, my best friend is coming next Saturday. I have so many great things to look forward to. It's funny how now every day is a gift and despite all my pains and fears and nuissances I am happier than ever. Each day is a gift from God and I AM SO AWARE OF IT NOW. I better stop writing here. I am getting too thinky...
Take good care y'all. And if you have time, throw in a little prayer for me would ya?
Love, Julia

PS: And one more. The Hase and me at the Cheesecake Factory last weekend:

BAM! BAM! BAM!

Yesterday I had my first appointment at MD Anderson Cancer Center. The night before Jim and I went there to make sure I would be able to find the way on Wednesday. It really is a little city of itself there, one gigantic hospital building after another. It's unbelievable. I should take pictures...
Anyway, the night from Tuesday to Wednesday I only got about 3 hours of sleep. My mind was racing and mulling things over and jumping back and forth, pondering options, pondering possibilities. I kept waking up. So I woke up even earlier than I had intended and made it to my appointment just fine. The hospital is an insanely big place but pretty well structured so I had no problems finding the right offices. At first I did all the paperwork (among that an agreement that MD Anderson can use everything they take cut out of me for research. Alrighty then.), then my bloodwork got done. The wait time was not bad anywhere, although there were hundreds of people. Most of them looked very, very sick. Some looked like this was going to be their last place they turned to... Just made me think how I stood out there, all young and healthy looking and everything. And yet I was one of them. With the little "cancer patient" wristband and all.
After my blood got drawn I went to the radiology department for my ultrasound. It was the looongest ultrasound of my life and not very pleasant either. The us-technician did my entire neck veeery thoroughly. I have difficulty swallowing and breathing as it is and it feels like i have a very sore throat. So getting all the pressure over and over again was not a nice feeling. I kept talking to her and asked her what all that was and if it looked ok and it did. Until she said that 2 of my lymph nodes on the right side (the tumor side) looked suspicous. So they decided to do a biopsy to find out if the thyroid cancer cells had spread into my lymph nodes. After only about 20 minutes of waiting I got the result: positive. The lymph nodes contain thyroid cells, meaning the cancer has spread. BAM! Yet another piece of bad news. I didn't know what to say and pretty much fled this scene of misery. I just wanted to go home. I had been there for almost 5 hours anyway.
After I was over the initial shock and all the crying I researched some more. Many websites suggest that with thyroid cancer, spread to the lymph nodes is not only rather common but also not as bad news as it would be with another cancer. I'm not really buying that one yet, I will ask the surgeon about that later on today. I don't really feel ready to go back to cancer city again, but I certainly want the surgery scheduled. And they better let me do that today. I try to stay strong. But, frankly, I'm having a fucking hard time doing so. It was just yet another blow and I do not know how much more I can take.

Adding image

That's my sister and me in front of "Pappasito's", one of my favorite Mexican restaurants in the Houston area. If you ever go there, be sure to try their chicken fajitas or beef enchilladas.

I am the one on the right and usually have my eyes a wee bit more open... ;-) We just bought those dresses the day before the picture was taken. Shopping was part of the distraction therapy!!

I have not much new stuff to talk about really.

I found out that Dr: Grubbs who I will be seeing on Thursday is a surgeon, so hopefully it won't take long until they will be able to take the tumor out. I am hoping for it to be only a matter of days, since it has given me some pretty bad pain in the past week. Also, I feel sooo tired and chewed out, I just want to lie in bed all day. Not quite the normal state for me, I used to be rather energetic and "full of spunk", always up to something.

Tomorrow we will have lunch with my dear in-laws and hopefully go to the beach afterwards. Me likey beach!!!

I will try and put some more pictures up. It's not that easy for a non-geeky person like me...Heh!

Just stayin' positive, I have so many plans for the time after all this is over, you don't even know!

Take good care and enjoy your weekend.

Love, Julia