Blog quickie

I haven't really had much news to talk about. At least nothing I wanted to share publicly.
Yesterday, my best friend Linda finally came here all the way from Germany. I thought I'd never be able to find her in that overly busy international arrivals hall at the airport. But, luckily enough, after one and a half hours she came out. I am very happy she's here. She's such a joy to be around, our timing could not have been better. When we booked her flight, we didn't have a clue yet about what crazy times it'll be these days. Jim and I tried keeping her up as long as possible and she did a great job staying awake.
Being what I call a hardcore Christian, she's hauling us back to Joel Osteen today. I bet my in-laws will be laughing at this one because we were not too thrilled about everything going on in his mass. He's the best preacher I've ever seen, but all the dancing and clapping and hugging...so not our thing. But I'm looking forward to his sermon, he might just say something that really helps me in my situation right now.
On the cancer stuff... I have more appointments tomorrow. I'll see my endocrinologist (phew! finally got that word down!) for the first time, do more blood works, have the anesthesia assessment and meet the anestheseologist. Of course, being a good patient, I have a list of questions ready for them aswell. Linda will come to MD Anderson with me so the wait won't be so boring this time.
That's about it, really. I hope you all are doing well, I miss hearing from some of you... Enjoy what's left of the weekend!
Love, Julia

Hooray for thyroid cancer!

Yesterday, I finally had the appointment with my surgeon, Dr. Grubbs. Jim was able to come with me so the wait was not too boring. We talked to several nurses etc. and I must say everyone working at MD Anderson is very friendly and skilled and positive. Since very sick people is everyday business in cancer city, it feels rather normal to talk about having cancer. Everyone there has been through what I am going through. Everyone knows what I'm talking about. To me, this facilitates going there a lot.
Anyway, we talked to Dr. Grubbs and asked her our 40+ questions about my prognosis, the surgery and long-term treatment. Turns out the fact that the cancer cells seem to have spread to at least 2 lymph nodes on my righthand side does not worsen my prognosis. The MD Anderson pathology has confirmed the previous diagnosis from the other hospital. Which is something I am happy about, since papillary thyroid cancer is the best-curable kind of thyroid cancer. The tumors usually grow slowly which means I've probably had that thing in me for years without having a clue!

Here is the long-promised picture of me with my head all the way back. The bump on the left of the center of my neck is Mr. Cancer himself. Can you see it?

My surgery has been scheduled for June 17. It will take approximately 5 hours if they have to do the lymph node dissection, too, which is more than likely going to be the case. I will have a little drain tube in the neck for a few days (just the mere thought of that makes me throw up in my mouth. I cannot take seeing cuts on my body, not to mention TUBES! YUCK!!!) and I'll have to stay in the hospital for about 3 days. Those times periods are all just estimates, of course, it all depends on how I'll be healing. Both my sister and Jim's sister said they would try to come here. I hope at least one of them will be able to come here, we need all the support we can get.
Also, I kept bugging that poor doctor about my flight to Germany on July 26. According to her it is 95% certain that I will be able to go home. I AM SO THRILLED ABOUT THIS! I couldn't think of a better rehab place than home.
About 4 weeks after the surgery, when the wound is fully closed and I'll be up and running again, I'll have to take a radioactive iodine pill. The iodine naturally goes to the thyroid tissue, since that is where it is needed in the body to produce hormones. As a matter of fact, the radioactive iodine is given to rid the body of any type of thyroid tissue left. This includes malignant tissue wherever a.k.a. spread. I will have to be isolated from anyone normal, i.e. anyone with a thyroid, for 24-48 hours. After that I should be fine and hopefully cancer-free. Of course there will be check-ups every 6 months but I have a good chance to be cured for a looong time once I'm done with this.

Picking up that lucky-thought again... I am so happy I do not have to get chemo therapy done. I am so thankful for getting the best treatment available for this disease. And of all the cancers out there, I think mine is by far the best. So, hooray for thyroid cancer! :)

Tomorrow we are going to Dallas. Haven't been up there in a while and the occasion is a real bright spot: we will be able to see my dear friends Mona and Chris. I'm so excited, it's been almost a year since I've last seen them. And there is a German bakery in Dallas AND a doner place. I certainly will make use of the cancer-induced no-weight-gain-period this weekend! :)

Also, my best friend is coming next Saturday. I have so many great things to look forward to. It's funny how now every day is a gift and despite all my pains and fears and nuissances I am happier than ever. Each day is a gift from God and I AM SO AWARE OF IT NOW. I better stop writing here. I am getting too thinky...
Take good care y'all. And if you have time, throw in a little prayer for me would ya?
Love, Julia

PS: And one more. The Hase and me at the Cheesecake Factory last weekend:

BAM! BAM! BAM!

Yesterday I had my first appointment at MD Anderson Cancer Center. The night before Jim and I went there to make sure I would be able to find the way on Wednesday. It really is a little city of itself there, one gigantic hospital building after another. It's unbelievable. I should take pictures...
Anyway, the night from Tuesday to Wednesday I only got about 3 hours of sleep. My mind was racing and mulling things over and jumping back and forth, pondering options, pondering possibilities. I kept waking up. So I woke up even earlier than I had intended and made it to my appointment just fine. The hospital is an insanely big place but pretty well structured so I had no problems finding the right offices. At first I did all the paperwork (among that an agreement that MD Anderson can use everything they take cut out of me for research. Alrighty then.), then my bloodwork got done. The wait time was not bad anywhere, although there were hundreds of people. Most of them looked very, very sick. Some looked like this was going to be their last place they turned to... Just made me think how I stood out there, all young and healthy looking and everything. And yet I was one of them. With the little "cancer patient" wristband and all.
After my blood got drawn I went to the radiology department for my ultrasound. It was the looongest ultrasound of my life and not very pleasant either. The us-technician did my entire neck veeery thoroughly. I have difficulty swallowing and breathing as it is and it feels like i have a very sore throat. So getting all the pressure over and over again was not a nice feeling. I kept talking to her and asked her what all that was and if it looked ok and it did. Until she said that 2 of my lymph nodes on the right side (the tumor side) looked suspicous. So they decided to do a biopsy to find out if the thyroid cancer cells had spread into my lymph nodes. After only about 20 minutes of waiting I got the result: positive. The lymph nodes contain thyroid cells, meaning the cancer has spread. BAM! Yet another piece of bad news. I didn't know what to say and pretty much fled this scene of misery. I just wanted to go home. I had been there for almost 5 hours anyway.
After I was over the initial shock and all the crying I researched some more. Many websites suggest that with thyroid cancer, spread to the lymph nodes is not only rather common but also not as bad news as it would be with another cancer. I'm not really buying that one yet, I will ask the surgeon about that later on today. I don't really feel ready to go back to cancer city again, but I certainly want the surgery scheduled. And they better let me do that today. I try to stay strong. But, frankly, I'm having a fucking hard time doing so. It was just yet another blow and I do not know how much more I can take.

Adding image

That's my sister and me in front of "Pappasito's", one of my favorite Mexican restaurants in the Houston area. If you ever go there, be sure to try their chicken fajitas or beef enchilladas.

I am the one on the right and usually have my eyes a wee bit more open... ;-) We just bought those dresses the day before the picture was taken. Shopping was part of the distraction therapy!!

I have not much new stuff to talk about really.

I found out that Dr: Grubbs who I will be seeing on Thursday is a surgeon, so hopefully it won't take long until they will be able to take the tumor out. I am hoping for it to be only a matter of days, since it has given me some pretty bad pain in the past week. Also, I feel sooo tired and chewed out, I just want to lie in bed all day. Not quite the normal state for me, I used to be rather energetic and "full of spunk", always up to something.

Tomorrow we will have lunch with my dear in-laws and hopefully go to the beach afterwards. Me likey beach!!!

I will try and put some more pictures up. It's not that easy for a non-geeky person like me...Heh!

Just stayin' positive, I have so many plans for the time after all this is over, you don't even know!

Take good care and enjoy your weekend.

Love, Julia

May the force be with me

Is that even from Star Trek? I don't know. What I do know, though, is that we watched Star Trek last night because the husband had to see it. When I saw all the nerds streaming in the theater I thought I was in it for a long one, but turns out it had its funny moments and even romance so it was not too bad.
I started tutoring again yesterday which is just great distraction I must say. The kids are just a joy to be around. The mother, however, I still cannot stand. She's one of those "I married rich, I am so cool" people. Ridiculous. Anyway, since I missed all last week's lessons I wanted to talk to her about also tutoring on Wednesdays and of course she asked about the cancer story. I told her, showed her and just talked a bit about it. Sure enough she says "You're lucky huh". And I was just thinking: WHAT? I couldn't believe she had said that. How could I be lucky? I had just told her about me being sick. And I thought about it on the way home. And sure enough, I thought to myself that this lady was probaly right. Everyone who knows a little bit about cancer says that if you ever have to pick a type of cancer, pick thyroid cancer. They have the best treatment options for it. You can live without your thyroid. Thyroid cancer is not likely to spread and if it does, there is a radioactive pill that can take care of a lot. I've started thinking that she is right, that I AM indeed lucky.
Also, I talked to one of the girls on the forum yesterday and she said something, that's lingering in my head: Cancer is not an acute disease. I do want that thing out big time, but it is not acute!
And then, I also made a decision:
I will not give this cancer any more life or meaning than it has already stolen from me.
I'm telling you, all those ideas and trying to achieve a healthy mindset and live normally is hard work for me. But unlike last week, it doesn't feel like I cannot possibly live through it anymore. I know I will.
Before I end this I want to thank everyone for your support. It is so nice of all of you to lend me your ears and encourage me and be there. It means the world to me!
Yesterday a lady from Jim's work gave him a picture for me. She had made a little scrappage with a German poem on it. She'd said that they are praying for me, that noone should go through this and that was why she had made me the picture. I couldn't believe it, I've never even met this lady! Truly amazing...

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I'm feeling rather good today, not too worried at all. I think the initial shock is settling, but what do I know? I'm really hoping the husband has plans for us today (doubt it though) so once he gets up we can do something. The beach was a lot of fun yesterday. After he got me crying over a little thing before we even left out (I do not think he understands how oversensitive I am these days. I don't understand it myself...But I do cry daily, and not just once!) things changed for the better and we made it to the beach fine. We bought an umbrella plus sand stand beforehand because we learned our lesson 2 weeks ago when we got burned badly. Also, we bought two huge floating tires. Best purchase in a long time. It was a lot of fun sitting in those out on the stormy ocean!!!
At home Jim wanted some pizza so I popped one in the oven. I then watched "You've got mail" and he did school stuff. I had wanted him to pause school for this month so we'd have more time but for some reason that didn't work out. So I didn't see him much anymore last night and went to bed at 10.30. And now I am all ready to do stuff. As you can tell, life is becoming more normal around here again. It seems a bit surreal, but I guess noone can take freaking out for longer than a few days. I am going back to work tomorrow so that will be some distraction right there. Only 10 more days until my first visit at MD Anderson Cancer Center.

My emotional roller coaster

I am enjoying my sister's visit a lot. We have been running around back and forth, shopping here, going to the beach there, it kept me distracted really well. I really wish she could stay a little longer, I don't know what to do with myself when I am alone. When I have time to think, worries and fear creep up upon me and won't leave me alone. These days, fear is what greets me good morning and tells me good night. I cannot stand it. On a thyroid cancer forum I read about a person whose cancer spread to her lungs and skull. Until then I never really considered spread much and now I am worried even more (if that is possible at all). I don't want to be a worrier, I need to be a warrior!!!

As far as my appointment goes, I have an appointment at MD Anderson on May 20, they will do another ultrasound and bloodworks. On the 21 I will see Doctor Grubb, I am hoping and praying that he will be able to tell me more and give me a surgery date. They need to get going on this, it seems every day I feel that thing more and it's driving me nuts!

I can't believe how much for the worse this year has changed for us. I started out so great with me finding a job, getting LASIK done, getting a car, my license, working a lot... Jim and me were very happy. Then, my boss at work pretty much turned into satan until I couldn't take it anymore and quit. And then we were not able to get the house we wanted, which was a big blow. The owner's asking price was more than the appraised value of the house and he was not willing to go down a single cent. Just yesterday I learned that there is an option pending on this house, meaning someone else is in the process of buying it. GRRRRRRRRR!!! And then, I got this stupid, stupid, stupid cancer diagnosis. Not sure if I am more pissed off about this or if it just scares the daylight out of me. I think it's a mixture of both...

It's time for those to sleepyheads to rise and shine! I hope today will be just as nice. Jim doesn't have to work today, so we will be able to do something together. Everyone who reads this have a great weekend! I'll put on pictures soon.

I can feel it

For about a week now I have felt that thing in my neck. It feels like a little egg is sitting in my tissue right next to the larynx (had to look that one up). When I swallow it gets pushed back, when I lie down in bed on my back it feels like there is something in the way in there. It is about an inch long and pretty oval and solid. I will have someone take a picture with my head all the way back for you to see the my cancerbump. How do I put photos on here???

What all doctors said who I've seen so far: "Be happy that it is in your neck and you found it so early. If something grows on the inside of your body beyond visibility, in the stomach for example, it usually does not get detected for years. And then, it is often too late." So I try to focus on all the positive things: I am young, otherwise as healthy as can be, thyroid cancer has a very good chance to be cured, over 90% of people survive it just fine.
If anyone is interested in a good article about it, check this out:

http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/282276-overview

Also, I talked to the scheduling lady from MD Anderson again this morning. I can have an appointment with a different doctor who, however, works in a team with Nancy Perrier, as "early" as May 21. Well that sure sounds a lot better to me! I agreed to it and am now waiting for confirmation. I would still get through two weeks until then but I will be able to do that. Somehow. I hope I can get this appointment, right now they are talking to my insurance. That's another thing on top of it all, I have to worry about the financial means to cover the expenses to cure me. What the hell! What is a live worth?? And how much is too much? I refuse to think about this anymore. I hope time will go by faster with my sister here. I'll keep posting the latest news. Ciao for now.

The support is overwhelming

I told my sister earlier tonight about what's going on with me. I was a little hesitant at first to tell her because we do not often get along so well but I had the urge to call her up. When I told her, pretty much the first thing she said was: Do you want me to come??? YES I DO! She booked a flight for tomorrow and will be here in the afternoon. I can't believe how she's just coming without hesitation. It is so what I need, someone to be with me, talk to me, take my mind of things, cry with me... And I told her I'll give her 5 minutes to wiseass and that's all I'm willing to take. ;o) I haven't seen her in over four years, so as shitty as the occasion is it is nice to see her again. I'm excited (despite the XANAX I popped again earlier! lol)!

Day 2

I have been diagnosed with papillary thyriod cancer yesterday. My doctor told me over the phone. I guess he was too chicken to tell me in person. Anyway, now I am trying to get treatment as fast as possible. I saw a surgeon yesterday who referred me to MD Anderson, a well-known cancer hospital here in Houston. They just told Jim the next possible appointment with Nancy Perriere, the doctor specialized in thyroid cancer, would be on June 27. Not for surgery to get rid of that sucker, just to look at me and take it from there. I so cannot wait that long. Right now I am considering talking to my former boss who is a patient there aswell, maybe she can help me out with something. I don’t know.
I am trying hard to not lose my cool and figure out the best way to handle all this. It sure is a reality check to get a diagnosis like that. Makes every other problem seem so small, ridiculous and meaningless. I wish my mother could come here, but she just had varicose vein surgery and therefore is in no condition to fly. My best friend Linda is coming in late May though, I cannot wait for it. I try to keep myself entertained as much as I can although I do not work again because I am still too occupied thinking about that asshole cancer. After all I was only diagnosed about 30 hours ago. I am planning on going back to work soon. By the way, papillary thyroid cancer is rather curable with a survival chance of over 90%. Still, I feel right now I am closer to death than ever before. It is scary, but I am getting through this. I am determined to kick that fucking cancer’s ass!!!!!!